Monthly Archives: October 2014

Alabama Slammer

Alabama Slammer

Category:  Tutti Frutti
Ingredients: 1/2 oz amaretto, 1/2 oz sloe gin, 1/2 oz Southern Comfort, splash OJ  (Preparation: shake and strain)
History: In 1969 a good old boy by the name of Roscoe Hollingsworth Williams was known by southern folk as the ‘moonshine minister’.  Using an abandoned church on the south east side of Bushworthy Alabama, Roscoe would distill some of the finest liquor this side of the Mississippi.  He brewed vodkas and gins, scotches and bourbons. He created toasty amarettos and fruity liqueurs.  There wasn’t a liquor that Roscoe didn’t perfect.  Dressing up as a southern Baptist minister, roscoe would perform baptisms in the basement of the church in old copper tub full of his tasty concoctions. People would come from all over Alabama to get just a little taste of his “holy water” and Roscoe was always happy to receive their generous donations. Word got out and the local police chief Jebbediah Smithknocker  decided to give Roscoe a little visit posing as a wandering soul looking for salvation.  As he dipped the police chiefs head down below the distilled delight Roscoe Williams suddenly felt the clink of cuffs and was hauled off to the nearby slammer.  Though he would distill no more his memory was never forgotten by the local establishments that created a drink after this infamous bootlegger behind bars called….. The Alabama Slammer.

Alien Urine

alien urine

Category: Wild n Wacky
Ingredients: 1/2 oz melon liqueur, 1 oz coconut rum, splash OJ, splash sweet n sour (Preparation: shake and strain)
History: Contrary to popular belief the very tasty Alien Urine shot was not named after a Martian with an enlarged prostate but after the notorious Mexican illegal alien, Verde Con Chervo. Mexican legend has it that Verde would smuggle large quantities of Mexican pee over the US/Mexico border and then sell it on the black market to wealthy athletes, actors and celebrities. Top athletes would drink it as they believed it gave them great strength and endurance, and the word in the Hollywood Hills was that pure Latin piss possessed miracle anti-aging qualities that made one’s complexion young and vibrant, a kind of fountain of youth if you will. In fact, a few of the very wealthy and vain celebs would actually have fountains of Mexican urine in their vast gardens in which they would frolic and bathe. But all good things must come to an end, and after many years of successful border crossings Verde was eventually apprehended and deported back to Mexico never to be allowed pass either urine or the border again. He did however amass a huge fortune and now lives the life of luxury in his native Mexico, where he owns a very successful cantina in which his shot of choice is, yes, you guessed it, his namesake, Alien Urine. The celebrities, on the other hand, in their endless search for infinite youth have resorted to plastic surgery and topical creams and ointments for firmer and more radiant looking skin.

Blue Balls

Blue Balls

Category: Wild N Wacky
Ingredients: 1/2 oz blue curaçao, 1/2 oz coconut rum, 1/2 oz peach schnapps, splash sweet n sour, splash 7up. (Preparation: shake and strain)
History: Named after the famous Parisian juggler, Marcel Boulez. “Blue Balls” was a favorite celebratory shot after the ever dashing Marcel’s legendary juggling performances.  Unlike many of the popular ball jugglers of his time, Monsieur Boulez or Boulez “Grande” as he was fondly known by his predominantly young female audiences, would vigorously juggle his huge balls to spectacular heights as the crowd watched in awe. But the pièce de résistance was always his grand finale, as Marcel, to the great delight of the crowd would fling his huge blue balls high into the air and impale them on strategically placed spikes in the arena’s vast roof. His massive balls would then explode showering his audience with the fruity concoction we know as “Blue balls”. Unfortunately, the devilishly handsome Boulez is no longer with us. Never married and still a virgin due to his strict religious beliefs, the former juggler extraordinaire passed away in his favorite hammock, his big blue balls laying by his side. Cause of death was only reported as “stress related”.